The Washington Post’s Alternate Meanings

(thanks to Thom, Capt Redbeard, on CeltList)

Once again, The Washington Post published its yearly contest in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for various words.

And the winners are…

1. Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon.

2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.

3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.

6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absent-mindedly answer the door in your nightgown.

7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.

8. Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavored mouthwash.

9. Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.

10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.

11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.

12. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions.

13. Pokemon (n), A Jamaican proctologist.

14. Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your Soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there.

AND MY TWO PERSONAL FAVORITES…

15. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you.

16. Circumvent (n.), the opening in the front of boxer shorts