French Terror Alert Redux

AP and UPI reported today that the French government announced that it has raised its terror alert level from “Run” to “Hide.” The only two higher levels in France are “Collaborate” and “Surrender”. The raise was precipitated by a recent fire which destroyed France's white flag factory, thereby disabling its military.

President Bush May Send Up To 5 Marines For French Assistance

President Bush has authorized the Joint Chiefs to begin drawing up a battle plan to pull France’s ass out of the fire again. Facing an apparent overwhelming force of up to 400 pissed off teenagers, Mr. Bush doubts France’s ability to hold off the little pissants. “Hell, if the last two world wars are any indication, I would expect France to surrender any day now”, said Bush.

Joint Chiefs head, Gen. Peter Pace, warned the President that it might be necessary to send up to 5 Marines to get things under control. The general admitted that 5 Marines may be overkill, but he wanted to get this thing under control within 24 hours of arriving on scene. He stated he was having a hard time finding even one Marine to help those ungrateful bastards out for a third time but thought that he could persuade a few female marines to do the job before they went on pregnancy leave.

In an unrelated matter, President Bush told reporters that he was considering a “Flu for Oil” Program to ease our country’s energy problem and prevent the upcoming pandemic. Nobody had a clue as to what the hell he was talking about.

(Cap’t. Thom striks again!)